The Journey Continues…

This trip has definitely been like a roller coaster ride but with the scenery constantly changing. If you have ever traveled Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park you would know what I mean. As you climb in altitude, there is something new to see on every turn. You climb and climb and climb.

At one point, way up high, there is a gift shop full of tourists, toys and gifts. The drive through the Rockies is very similar to the trip I have been on for the last several months. In the beginning I had no clue where I was going. I just knew I had to hop in the car and take the risk. I could only see as far as the next turn. Was it scary? Yea! Sometimes all I could see was the cliff on the edge of the turn. But you know, on my journey there seems to be a gift shop right around the corner of every turn I had to take.

Unlike the real gift shop, the gift shop of my life seems to offer me many wonderful things. Better yet, everything I’ve received was earned. Whatcha talkin about Willis?!! Well, what I mean is that once I started to take risks, searched for the truth about myself and the world around me there were rewards. After every turn I started to gain more courage to tackle life. I have started to feel more self-confident and have gained more self-esteem. Moreover, the higher you climb the more you rise above the clouds which in turn makes seeing life (or the road) more clearly.

Oh the freedom and insight you discover when the clouds of life seem to dissipate. It is almost as if you start to walk on clouds

Monastic Silence

I spent a little over a year in a monastery and spent most of my time as a novice. As novices, we were to live a hidden life away from the world so that we could grow in our relationship with Christ; therefore preparing us to be able to go out in to the world to minister. The most life impacting thing I took with me when I left was the appreciation of silence. At first it was very difficult. Why? Well, not being able to just chitchat or talk whenever, forces us to look into ourself. The inside self. Your heart! It is very scary, as a novice, to take your hear seriously. You begin by opening the door to your heart and then start sorting things out. One by one you come face to face with desires, wounds, memories, and deeper things. And then you sort them out one by one. The mysterious thing is that you get a sense that you are not alone. Someone is there with you; wanting to also sift through it all. Once the process of digging deep is completed then it is just you and Him. And then the gaze turns outward towards the world……

Today, I thirst for silence (I have 4 kids under the age of 5). This is one of the main reasons I want time freedom. So that instead of heading to a cubicle, I can head towards the mountains to find some peace and silence.

Sunday Night Dread

So, I have been working from home now for a week. And there has been two things I have had to overcome. One, guilty feelings about working from and two the Sunday night dread that lays hold of me when I know Monday is coming.

First:

It has been so ingrained in me that an office job in a human filling cabinet is the only way to make a secure living. I am constantly fighting and courageously over coming this feeling. When I first stared college I was told what to study and to find an office job. What was the result? Lots of miserable studying, student loan debt, depression, and many other negative effects. But hey, everyone is doing it and you will make lots of money is what they were telling me. It took 15 years to realize that nothing of what they said came true.

Second:

Even though I did not have a job to go to today last night the Sunday dread kept on trying to creep in on my heart and mind. I have been so used to it taking over that it was almost automatic. It is almost like a drowning feeling with feelings of despair and hate for Mondays .

I can tell that am being called to grow in courage and trust with regards to doing the right thing. It is not easy to follow your heart, but it is definitely an adventure.